Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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