Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
