remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I currently don't understand fingers.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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