So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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