Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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