??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
