Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
All I want is dick and wine.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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