he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize