There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
