I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
