Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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