god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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