What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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