There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
