i don't like sucking hair
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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