"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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