i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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