apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
