I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
