You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
