My sheets look like a crime scene.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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