Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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