My first STD was from a foam party
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
