I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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