I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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