My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Randomize
