His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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