Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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