I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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