Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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