im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
