I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
