And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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