he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
