just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
