Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
