i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
COCAINE IS GR8
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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