Are we in a gay sports bar?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
