Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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