hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
