I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
