Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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