So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
