You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
