Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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