you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
