thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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