Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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