Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
