Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
