you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
