Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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