Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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