i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
