You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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