Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
