judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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