thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
