Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
