was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
