You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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