i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
