Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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