final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
