get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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