Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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