matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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