I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
