I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
