I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
