I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
