i just had sex bonerless
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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