Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
He passed out mid-signature
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
