do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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