She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
